I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
