I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize