dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize