Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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