Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
