I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
