Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
