Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
