there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
