why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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