I wish my penis had an off switch
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
