Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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