and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
