So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
