Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize