All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
