I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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