Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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