Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
