im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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