So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
