That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
