we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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