3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
