I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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