Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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