hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
These tits shall not be calmed
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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