This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
