Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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