I bet he comes in French.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
