If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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