I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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