if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
