CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
