I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Sorry about my life...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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