I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
