I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
