highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
