it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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