I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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