I wish I could punch you in the face.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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