When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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