i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
