You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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