i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
