Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
