put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
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I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
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It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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