how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
