In the future we'll all be gay
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
