we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize