im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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