Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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