I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize