I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
