The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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