Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
