I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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