I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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