please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
