I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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