I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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