please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
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