I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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