Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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