I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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