Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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