Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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