1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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