I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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