Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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