so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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