I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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