i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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