probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
