ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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