who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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