I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize