nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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